16 July, 2024
Trying to be present in the here and now. All I can think of is the sound of sweet nothingness. A silent moment in time. But it's the past seven months that have truly stretched me beyond belief. When I thought I was weak, I realised, but wait, I am strong. I've got this. I have to do this.
Trauma, and then some more, followed by two clients linked to one company. They say that it happens in threes. Well. Third time lesson learned. The hard way.
You know, and no wonder!!! Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light.
He saw my weakness, my lack, and my desires, and well played, but thanks to discernment, prayer, and renewing my mind with the word of God, I could withstand the attacks from the enemy. Because of my church family that stands with me, my friends, I know that I am not alone and that I do not have to face everything alone any more. There are good people out there who have my back, my best interests at heart, and that gives me the strength to keep going.
It is never easy to walk away. It takes a brave heart, a strong character, dignity, and strength to decide to never look back and to stick to that decision. You see, people underestimate the power of God in a praying Christian. Non-believers cannot see. There is absolutely nothing that we can do to change that. Only Jesus can do that. Dear non-believer, never, ever underestimate a discerning Christian. By the Holy Spirit, they will x-ray you all the way down to the core.
I know what you did. But my anger towards you is paving my way forward. So thank you. I am using all of it. What was meant for evil and for my destruction, God is using to propel me into my calling. My spirit feels cold towards yours. How my spirit wept your spirit. Disgust is not quite the word that I am looking for. Disappointment, hurt, grieved, pained, regret, revolt, sickened, nauseated, horrified, shock, furious, distance, a Godly anger, to say the least. If you walk in the spirit, you will understand and recognise the things of the spirit. When you walk in the flesh, you will taste the fruits of it. It is bitter. Bittersweet.
I cannot hold a conversation with someone who does not see anything wrong with their actions. Someone who refuses to take accountability. Someone who refuses to change. I cannot and do not want to change you. It is too much of a responsibility. It would require a lot of my time, effort, and patience, and a favourable outcome is not promised. Jesus, this one's for you. I just can't. I don't want to.
My conclusion is: choose your clients wisely. The same goes for love. If he hasn't walked the talk with Christ, if he doesn't have godly character, a man after God's own heart, dear Christian woman, walk away. We cannot be unequally yoked. Bad company corrupts good character. It is not worth the risk.
- Mind the company that you keep.
- Mind the many voices of "influencers" in your life.
- Mind your peace.
- Mind your values.
- Mind your morals.
- Mind your standards.
- Stive for the best.
- Believe in yourself.
- You are enough.
- You are worthy.
- You are worth it.
Somewhere, there is a single Christian man working on himself, seeking God, and praying for someone like you. Take your time and be patient. When the time is right, God will make it happen. Stay on your path. The closer you get to God and to your purpose, know that there will be waves and storms. Satan will not give up without a fight. Stay on guard. Put on the whole armour of God so that you may withstand the evil schemes of the enemy. Always.
This is not a time to break into tears. I lift up my eyes to the heavens, taking my rightful place, walking in authority, and pursuing God like never before. I choose you, God. I obey you, God. I answer to you, God. I live for you, God. What's done is done. We are in the now. Focused on the vision.
Words of advise: Whether you are a narcissist, struggling with boundaries, or if you have a substance abuse history of events, etc., find a sponsor (NA or AA) and do the 12-step program. Whereby you will be held accountable for all your actions. It's a start. It might just change your life.
*21 days to break a habit, a change of routine. That's all it takes.
Conclusion
I'd rather be a young man's darling than that of a particularly dirty old man's.
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