What are assumptions about a person?
We all make assumptions. We make assumptions about other people from what they look like, what they say or don't say, how they act or don't act. Yet, when others make assumptions about ourselves, it is frustrating because, at the heart of it all, we know they don't know the whole truth.
We fail to distinguish between method and motive. We tend to judge another’s motive based on their method. When methods seem insensitive, we may assume that motives are evil. Do we let the enemy cause division because we assume we know another’s intent because their approach seems rude, confusing, or ungentle?
Assuming Motives is Divisive
If I assume a negative motive, I will treat you as if that motive is fact, resulting in hurt and confusion. When I wrongly assume others’ motives, I create division rather than preserve the unity our Lord calls us to enjoy in the body of Christ.
As we see in God’s Word, assuming motives can even cause war. Consider the story in 2 Samuel 10. David tried to show kindness to Hanun the king by sending men to console him after the death of Hanun’s father. But others in Hanun’s confidence questioned that motive, assuming that the men sent by David to console Hanun actually intended to spy out the land. The so-called “spies” were then mistreated, and the result was a retaliatory war. Even though David’s motive was to bless Hanun, his motives were assumed to be evil, and war broke out.
Of course, the outstanding example of tragic assumption is found in the story of Jesus Christ. He came to the Earth with the noblest of motives—to honor and obey His Father. Nevertheless, He was wrongly accused and crucified as a criminal and “false” Messiah.
Assuming Motives is Addressed by God
God’s Word instructs us, “Therefore, do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God” (1 Cor. 4:5).
My personal “heart-check” verse when tempted toward assumption is Romans 14:4: “Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”
How to Avoid Assuming Motives
Assuming Motives is a Heart Issue
Why are we so quick to make negative assumptions of others’ motives? I think there could be several reasons:
• We recognize our own heart’s sinful motives, and we assume others have the same motives that we do. (Sometimes people do have evil motives—to harm us and do damage.)
• We may pridefully believe that we are discerning people and can clearly see what is “obviously” going on in someone’s heart.
• We fear others instead of loving them. Fear may protectively assume the worst, dwell on hurts, and recount offenses. 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love believes all things; that is, love chooses to believe the best about other people rather than the worst whenever possible. Love gives someone the benefit of the doubt and does not jump to conclusions.
• We fail to distinguish between method and motive. We tend to judge another’s motive based on their method. When methods seem insensitive, we may assume that motives are evil. Do we let the enemy cause division because we assume we know another’s intent because their approach seems rude, confusing, or ungentle?
Extend the benefit of charity; make graceful assumptions. Love calls us to regard others with hope rather than suspicion. Out of love for God and our brothers and sisters, we ought to grant them the same mercy and the same grace that we want to be granted ourselves. Let’s stop the cycle of judgment by leaning into the One who extends grace and love to us on a daily basis.
And finally, judgment has a sort of, "this is the final answer" feeling, which closes us off to receptivity and the possibility of mutual understanding. Discernment, on the other hand, is responding from love, rather than reacting, so we can make appropriate choices for ourselves, and for the good of others.
Questions for Reflection
1. How often do we completely misunderstand people because we are assuming motives that are not actually there?
2. How often do we listen to those around us and build up a case, rather than asking clarifying questions?
3.How often do we question our assumptions?
Source: https://www.biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/2019/08/09/warning-dangerous-assumptions-ahead/
