Ethnomethodology - Common Sense Explained

 

Ethnomethodology is a sociological approach that studies how people use common sense and interaction to create and maintain social order in their everyday lives. Developed by Harold Garfinkel, it focuses on the "methods" people use to make sense of their social world rather than assuming social structures pre-exist. Key concepts include indexicality (meaning being context-dependent) and reflexivity (how social actions shape and are shaped by the situation), often explored through detailed observation and "breaching experiments" that deliberately disrupt social norms.

Core concepts

Indexicality: The idea that the meaning of expressions and actions is dependent on the context in which they occur. For example, "good morning" has a different meaning depending on the relationship and tone of voice.

Reflexivity: The process where people's actions and their interpretations of those actions both influence and are influenced by each other. Social order is continuously produced and reproduced through this process.

Accountability: The method people use to make their actions and the actions of others understandable and reasonable to themselves and others.

Research methods

Detailed observation: Ethnomethodologists closely analyze natural social interactions, such as conversations and gestures, to see how people work together to create social order.

Video recordings: Using video is a preferred method because it allows researchers to replay and analyze interactions in fine detail, ensuring accuracy.

Breaching experiments: Researchers deliberately break social norms to see how people react and attempt to restore a sense of order. For example, a study might involve someone behaving unusually in a crowded elevator.

Goals of the approach

To reveal the "taken-for-granted" practices and rules that are fundamental to everyday life.

To understand how people actively produce their social reality, rather than just being passive subjects of it.

To offer an alternative perspective to traditional sociology, which may rely more on theoretical models or statistical analysis.

References

https://share.google/7Kk3ZheiwPtiL6at5

https://share.google/YuntPjRNl190C3Zls

https://share.google/JVMkiRECRF1lPTeOr

To be continued....

• Case Study of Ethnomethodology
• Case Study link between Ethnomethodology and Narcissism.

Understanding Depression: Myths vs Facts

 

“You don’t look depressed.”

“You just need to be more positive.”

Let’s stop saying these things — and start understanding them. 

MYTH 1: Depression = sadness 

FACT: It’s so much more. It’s fatigue, brain fog, emptiness, irritability, and loss of motivation — all rolled into one heavy blanket. Depression can feel like your energy, motivation, and joy have been switched off. It affects your body, thoughts, and emotions — not just your mood.

MYTH 2: You can “snap out of it.” 

FACT: You can’t. Depression isn’t a mindset problem; it’s a mental health condition that needs care, not shame. You can’t “think away” depression. It’s not weakness — it’s an illness. Healing takes time, treatment, and compassion, not willpower alone.

MYTH 3: If your life looks good, you can’t be depressed. 

FACT: You can have love, success, and stability — and still struggle internally. Depression doesn’t check your resume. Depression doesn’t care how successful or loved you are. You can have everything and still feel empty. It’s internal — not circumstantial.

MYTH 4: Talking about it makes it worse. 

FACT: Talking helps. Silence makes people feel isolated. Real conversations break the stigma. Honest conversations open doors to understanding and support.

MYTH 5: Antidepressants are a “cop-out”. 

FACT: They’re a lifeline for many. They don’t erase emotions — they help restore balance so healing can begin. Medication isn’t a weakness — it’s one of many tools that can help. Sometimes it’s what allows therapy and healing to work.

Truth:

Depression doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re fighting battles most can’t see — and still showing up. That’s strength. 

#MentalHealthAwareness #DepressionSupport #EndTheStigma #YouAreNotAlone #SelfCare #HealingJourney

A Letter for the Days That Feel Heavy

 

Hey, beautiful soul,

I know today feels like a shadow crept in after weeks of sunlight. You’ve been doing so well, and I need you to remember this: nothing can take away the progress you’ve made. Those six bright weeks were real. They were yours. You built them, one brave day at a time — and that strength still lives inside you now.

Sometimes life whispers, “slow down.” It doesn’t mean you’ve fallen backward. It means your heart needs a moment to breathe. Rest isn’t failure; it’s part of healing. Even flowers close their petals at night — not because they’ve died, but because they’re gathering strength to bloom again.

So take today softly. Wrap yourself in something warm. Let the world be quiet for a bit. You don’t have to be productive. You don’t have to be positive. You just have to be. And that’s enough.

You’ve survived darker nights than this one. You’ve found laughter in places you thought you’d never see light again. You are not the storm — you are the sky that holds it, endlessly vast, endlessly capable of clearing.

You’re not broken for feeling low. You’re human. Healing and growth don’t happen in straight lines — they move like waves. Right now, you’re just between crests. The tide will rise again.

Let’s reframe this moment gently:

👉 These down days don’t mean you’ve failed — they mean your body and mind are asking for rest, not punishment.

👉 You’ve proven your strength already — six positive weeks show resilience, not luck.

👉 You’re allowed to start small again. Breathe. Shower. Step outside. Drink some water. One gentle step brings the next.

Here’s a little mantra you can hold onto today:

“I’ve been here before and made it out. I am allowed to pause, not to give up. My light is not gone — it’s just resting.”

You are loved. You are needed. You are still becoming.

With gentleness and hope,
Me — the version of you who believes in your comeback 

Breathe Life Back Into Your Fire!

 

Breathe Life Back Into Your Fire

Here’s a little soul fuel, tailored for someone like you — driven, creative, capable, and still pushing forward through the messy middle.

1. You’re not behind — you’re becoming.
Every pause, every slow step, every “I’m figuring it out” moment is progress in disguise. Growth doesn’t always roar; sometimes it whispers.

2. You’ve done hard things before.
And you’ll do them again—but this time with wisdom, resilience, and that quiet confidence you’ve earned the long way.

3. Rest means not giving up.
It’s gathering strength. Even flowers close at night — not because they’re done, but because they’re recharging for the sun.

4. You’re building a life that fits your soul, not a mold.
That takes guts. It takes patience. But oh, how beautiful it’s going to be when it all clicks.

5. You are allowed to start again.
As many times as it takes. The story only ends when you stop turning the page.

Empowered & Uplifting, Gentle & Reflective, Bold & Playful:

• Go shine. The world’s waiting for your next move.
• Take a breath, then take the next step.
• Until the next sunrise — keep choosing you.
• Catch you at the next breakthrough.
• Signed, sealed, still unstoppable.
• Now go make the day jealous.

With love, 

Elani

For The One I Haven't Yet Met

My Future Love,

I imagine you walking through your days, unaware that somewhere, someone is already writing you into words. 

I don’t know where you’re hiding — probably out there misusing commas or forgetting to text back on time — but I know you exist. Somewhere between my career chaos, unfinished coffee, and late-night playlists, you’re in the making too.

I’m not waiting for a fairytale; I’m building a life worth sharing. I hope you’re doing the same — growing, learning, laughing, becoming someone who knows how to apologize. I want love that’s electric yet grounded — one that celebrates independence as much as connection.

When we finally meet, I hope it feels easy. Not fireworks — just that deep, comfortable “Oh. There you are.” I crave a love that whispers, not demands — one that feels like home. My heart yearns for a love that doesn’t rush, one that blooms quietly in safety. Somewhere between stillness and warmth — that’s where I want our love to live.

I just want a gentle love — calm, kind, and safe.

Until then, I’ll keep working on my patience and my sense of humor — I’ll need both when you arrive.

See you when the timing’s right,

Your future favorite person

One Day You Realize You're Okay - The Soft Surprise Of Healing

 

A beautiful and heartfelt theme, — one that speaks to the quiet strength behind real healing. 🌿

By Elani — Aspiring Writer, Editor & Virtual Assistant

There’s something quietly extraordinary about the healing journey — how it happens when you least expect it, how it sneaks in softly while you’re busy surviving. True emotional healing doesn’t come with fanfare; it comes with time, patience, and the courage to keep going. There’s no way around it. Only through it.

Healing doesn’t announce itself.

It doesn’t arrive with fireworks or a clear sign that the pain is over. It shows up quietly — in the moments you stop chasing it.

One morning, you notice you can breathe easier. The song that once broke you no longer hurts. You laugh, genuinely, without forcing it. That’s when you realise something inside you has shifted — not suddenly, but steadily.

That’s what healing feels like: a gentle return to yourself.

We often want to rush the process — to skip the hard parts and get to the peace. But personal transformation doesn’t happen on command. You can’t fast-forward through pain or reason your way around it. Healing follows its own rhythm.

The only way is through.

Through the tears that sting.

Through the silence that feels heavy.

Through the uncertainty that makes you question if you’ll ever feel whole again.

It’s uncomfortable, but it’s working — even when you can’t see it. Deep inside, your heart is learning how to carry what once felt unbearable. You’re learning self-compassion. You’re learning that stillness isn’t failure; it’s recovery in motion.

Healing rarely feels beautiful in the moment. It’s slow, often invisible. But one day, you’ll realise you’re not carrying the same weight anymore. You’ll see that what once defined you has transformed into something softer, wiser, and stronger.

Here’s what healing quietly teaches us:

Be patient with yourself. Growth takes time. Trust that every step, even the backward ones, is part of your progress.

You can’t force peace. The moment you stop fighting the process, peace begins to find you.

You won’t return to who you were. Healing changes you — it reshapes your heart, strengthens your resilience, and deepens your empathy.

It’s okay to rest. Healing isn’t about constant progress. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is pause.

And then one day, between holding on and letting go, you realize — you made it.

Not because the pain vanished, but because you learnt how to live with it without letting it define you. You found your strength, your softness, and your new rhythm.

That’s the beauty of emotional growth — it transforms not just what hurt you, but how you see yourself.

So, take your time. Be gentle. Keep walking, even when it’s slow. Because healing doesn’t just happen to you — it happens through you. And when you look back, you’ll see how far you’ve come — and how beautifully you’ve grown.

• Self-compassion over perfection

• Trusting your own timing

• Beauty in resilience

• Gratitude for growth, even if it came from pain

• The miracle of ordinary peace

One day, you’ll realize the storm has passed. The ache isn’t gone — it’s simply become part of your story, no longer controlling the narrative.

That’s the beauty of healing: it teaches you to trust yourself again. To believe that even in the waiting, you are moving forward.

About the Author

Elani is a writer, editor, and virtual assistant with a background in hospitality, creativity, and connection. She helps individuals and businesses find clarity in words and calm in the process — one project, and one story, at a time.

12 Motivational Reminders for Entrepreneurs & Business Owners

Start where you are, with what you have — progress beats perfection.

Every setback is a setup for innovation — use challenges as fuel.

Consistency compounds — small daily actions build empires.

Think global, act local — your reach is bigger than you imagine.

Relationships are assets — invest in people, not just profits.

Skills are your currency — keep sharpening them.

Passion attracts, discipline sustains — lean on both.

Numbers tell the story — track, measure, and adapt.

Stay agile — the market rewards those who pivot with purpose.

Celebrate milestones, no matter how small — momentum matters.

Growth starts with mindset — believe before you achieve.

Your vision is valid — keep building what others can’t see yet.

The Most Excellent and Virtuous Lady of Digital Dexterity

 

🎭 A Midsummer Day’s Freelancer

Characters

• HELENA OF XCLUSI.VA – A noble and brainy freelance professional, wielder of systems, scribe of elegance, and virtual dame of many trades.
  
  

• SIR CLIENTALOT – A befuddled yet ambitious businessperson seeking salvation from chaos.
  
  

• NARRATOR – The omniscient voice of dramatic context.
  
  

• MESSENGER BARD —a rhyming herald bearing reviews and poetic praise.
  
  

• THE SHADOW OF DOUBT —a sneaky little voice representing imposter syndrome.
  
  

• TIME, THE TASKMASTER – A ghostly figure with an hourglass and clipboard.
  
  

ACT I: In Which Chaos Doth Reign

[Scene: A cluttered digital kingdom—broken calendars, rogue emails, and chaotic spreadsheets everywhere.]

NARRATOR:
Attend thee now to yon business realm,
Where Sir Clientalot struggles at the helm.
With inbox wild and invoices askew,
And not a blessed soul to guide him through.

SIR CLIENTALOT (crying to the heavens):
Oh fie! Oh, pestilence upon these tasks!
I cannot post, I cannot write, and I cannot even find my flasks!
Where is that blessed soul, with spreadsheet grace,
Who'll save me from this dismal digital place?

[Enter: HELENA OF XCLUSI.VA, dramatically, holding a golden laptop and a cup of peppermint tea.]

HELENA:
Did someone call for order, calm, and flair?
For copy crisp and social media fair?
For one who juggles tasks both great and small,
And maketh sense of schedules, most appal?

SIR CLIENTALOT:
Art thou a wizard? Nay—an angel, surely!
For thou dost speak of spreadsheets most demurely!
But what dost thou offer, noble dame?

HELENA (bowing):
I offer The Final Touch—a sacred name.
For words that sing and never stumble,
With edits sharp and grammar humble.
Recruitment is fine, and menus are grand,
And leads pursued with tireless hand.
From blog to post, from script to scroll,
I serve with speed and heart and soul.

ACT II: The Freelance Temptation

[Scene: A keyboard-lit library of wonders. HELENA guides SIR CLIENTALOT through her services.]

HELENA:
Need'st thou a proofread tome or snappy blog?
A tweet, a thread, a post that cuts through fog?
I write with elegance, with purpose clear,
Each comma placed with care sincere.
And if thy staff doth err or go astray,
I’ll find thee better ones by end of day.

SIR CLIENTALOT:
What sorcery! What digital alchemy!
Canst thou also chase those who owe me fee?

HELENA (winks):
Aye, and with charm! No debtor escapes.
The freelance queen who wears all capes.

ACT III: The Doubt Ariseth

[Enter: THE SHADOW OF DOUBT, a wiggly, whispering nuisance.]

SHADOW OF DOUBT (hissing):
But how can one be master of so much?
Surely she fibs—this is but a crutch!

HELENA (brandishing a Google Doc):
I chase no glory—my clients speak!
Read their reviews; they are so bold and unique.

[Enter: MESSENGER BARD with scrolls of glowing testimonials.]

MESSENGER BARD (singing):
“Oh noble Helena, bless’d and true!
She fixed our prose and invoices too!
With calendars she dances well,
And chased our tasks from spreadsheet hell!”

SIR CLIENTALOT:
Enough! I need thee now, my queen of grace!
Please organise my files—and feed my base!

ACT IV: The Time Hath Come

[Enter: TIME, THE TASKMASTER – a glowing figure tapping its hourglass.]

TIME:
Lo! Tasks aplenty, deadlines near!
Yet Helena shows no hint of fear.

HELENA:
With breath I stretch, with mind I slay,
And yoga, soon, shall light my day.
From proof to post, from script to dish,
Your every task is fulfilled as wished.

FINALE: The Digital Kingdom Reborn

[Scene: Everything is in order. SIR CLIENTALOT dances, emails sing, blogs go viral.]

SIR CLIENTALOT:
What joy! What peace! I now can think!
My empire runs smoother than a sync!
I toast to thee, O freelancing sage,
Who bringeth light to every page!

HELENA (smiling):
Remember this, dear business folk,
You need not drown in task or yoke.
For when the chaos starts to bite—
Call on Xclusi.va, your guiding light.

✨ EPILOGUE ✨

NARRATOR:
Thus ends our tale, but heed this tip:
Hire well, lest madness make thee slip.
For when thy world doth need repair,
Look for the one with laptop fair.
She who edits, plans, and posts with flair—
The freelance queen with time to spare.

The Wolf

The Wolf In Front Of The Pulpit

Tell me—

How does a man raise his hands to heaven on Sunday,
when those same hands bruised my body on Thursday night?
How does he bow his head in prayer
while plotting lies between the sheets of strangers?

What hymn can cleanse the blood of betrayal,
what sermon erases the cries of a twelve-year-old girl,
or the shattered bones of a family torn by rage?
Does the choir drown out the sound of his sins,
Or do the walls of the church echo with them still?

Is salvation a costume,
to be worn like a mask before the altar,
then stripped away in the heat of lustful desires?
Is faith a shield for cowards?
Or a cloak for wolves who hunt among the lambs?

I ask—

How many more daughters must carry his shadows?
How many fathers must bleed on the street,
how many women must whisper their pain into silence
for him to be seen for what he truly is?

Yet truth cannot be buried forever.
A man may deceive the pews,
but not the Judge who sees beyond the steeple.
And when the final word is spoken,
no scripture, no lover, no lie
will save him from the fire he built with his own hands.

Is the church blind to wolves
draped in the garments of the faithful?

He calls it love—

But I know the taste of his poison.
He calls it faith—
but I have seen him barter holiness
for the shadows of swingers and shame.
He calls himself Christian—
Yet still he sharpens his cruelty in secret.

And still—

I rise.
Though he crushed my body,
My spirit was not his to break.
Though he silenced my voice,
My truth now thunders louder than his deceit.
Though he wrapped chains around my heart,
I shattered them with the strength of survival.

I ask you—

Who is the prisoner now?
The one who hides behind hymns and hollow sermons,
Or the woman who walks free with scars that speak of victory?

Yes, he may fool the pews.
But he cannot fool the heavens.
He may dance with darkness,
But LIGHT will hunt him still.
And when his name is weighed in the scales of truth,
He will find no mercy.
For mercy was what he stole.

Remember this—

He is not my ending.
I am not his victim.
I am the storm that outlasted his fury.
The survivor who rose from the ashes
I am the light that exposed a narcissistic predator, an animal that calls himself a Christian.

Deadly Desires

Instant gratification is hard to argue against, but Proverbs says that impatient cravings are fatal. 

Illicit sex brings long-term penalties.

Proverbs 5:3-6

For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, 

And her mouth is smoother than oil;
But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
Sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death,
Her steps lay hold of hell.
Lest you ponder her path of life—
Her ways are unstable;
You do not know them.

Dishonest wealth is worthless compared to gains made through hard work.

Proverbs 13:11

Wealth gained by dishonesty will be diminished.
But he who gathers by labour will increase.

Deferring hope can feel awful but leads to ultimate satisfaction.

Proverbs 13:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

Quick fixes and fast answers are "folly and shame."

Proverbs 18:13,17

He who answers a matter before he hears it,
It is folly and shame to him.

The first one to plead his cause seems right,
Until his neighbor comes and examines him.

Good advice can feel irritating at first but yields blessings. 

Proverbs 19:20

Listen to counsel and receive instruction,
That you may be wise in your latter days.

People may appear to get ahead by lying, cheating, and stealing, but God's justice in the next life will show that righteousness is the right choice.

Proverbs 23:17-18

Do not let your heart envy sinners.
But be zealous for the fear of the Lord all the day;
For surely there is a hereafter,
And your hope will not be cut off.

Delayed gratification offers rewards that many never get to enjoy. A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself; the simple pass on and are punished. Yet these rewards are more than sufficient to bring us joy and satisfaction.

Learning to wait for good things is a significant sign of wisdom because it requires seeing past immediate indulgences to superior benefits that come with time. 

Scripture encourages us to be discerning and farsighted, distancing ourselves from anything that might destroy us, saving ourselves for far better and truer pleasures. 

Proverbs 27:12

A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself;
The simple pass on and are punished.

Elani V

Welcome to my corner of the digital world!

I’m an analytical creative, a dynamic and highly skilled freelance professional who thrives on transforming ideas into concise, flawless, and impactful results. Naturally curious, I enjoy learning how and why things work, exploring ideas in a rational, critical manner, and challenging expectations to pursue more profound knowledge.

I launched my freelance métier in 2022 as a virtual personal assistant, and since then, I’ve had the privilege of working with clients from across the globe in a wide array of fields. I specialize in creating exclusive systems, ensuring smooth operations specifically tailored for each business’s needs. 

With a unique blend of efficiency, creativity, and a generous amount of passion for delivering exceptional results, I offer custom services tailored to your needs. No task is too big or small—if you need expert support that delivers results, I’m your go-to freelancer. Let’s collaborate and turn your vision into reality! Your success is my mission, and I’m here to make it happen.

xclusi.va                                                                                                     Virtual Assistance

Whether it's flawless copy editing and proofreading, strategic social media marketing, or expert recruitment, I bring a wealth of experience to every project. My expertise extends across business and academic report writing, menu design, blog creation, social media marketing and design, social media ads, lead generation, administrative support, communication management, travel coordination, and meticulous calendar and time management.

I excel in research, data gathering, financial tasks, and chasing outstanding invoices. I provide high-quality translation services and transcription and even teach English as a second language. As someone who is always striving for growth, I am currently upskilling as a yoga instructor to add even more value to the services I offer.

That Final Touch                                                                                      Copy | Edit | Proof          

"That Final Touch," aptly named, encapsulates the spirit of giving that final touch before print or publication.

My ultimate goal is to ensure that your spoken word reflects opulence and conciseness.

Serving renowned businessmen and women, I understand the value of concise discourse in the corporate world. Beyond business and legal, theological, and creative documents, I pay scrupulous attention to detail, transforming any ideas into brilliant masterpieces.

With a passion for words, I bring a deep understanding that reflects commitment, accuracy, and clarity, ensuring that your texts are impeccable and well refined. I share your discerning taste for excellence and have the same high standards for quality as you do. Explore writing and editing assistance of the highest quality that will elevate the impact of your words.

Go for refinement, go for perfection, and opt for exclusivity.

The Writer

• Keep it Real Blog
• The Teetotal Journal - Facebook Page - Personal Blog
• Inhale—Autobiography
• Theological content
• Restaurant Training Manuals
• Recipe Books
• Business Reports
• Academic Reports
• Letters
• Blog Posts
• Social Media Content
• ἑλένη, meaning Light - Prayers and Prophecy

Keep it Real

Starting out as a freelancer can be intimidating and frightening, especially if you lack past experience or an established client base. However, with effort, perseverance, and strategic planning, it is entirely possible to build a successful freelance career. Here's my story about how I started from nothing, got clients, and stayed motivated each day. Like many aspiring freelancers, I began my journey with no experience or clients. Equipped just with my abilities, my passion, and a strong will to achieve, I began by offering my services on freelance platforms and job boards. Initially, rejection was prevalent, but I refused to let it stop me. Instead, I viewed each loss as an opportunity to hone my approach and enhance my skills.

To continue reading, click on the link! 

Get in touch:

LinkedIn

WhatsApp (Kindly email me, and I will gladly share my number.)                                       

Email: elani.vermaak@gmail.com

Website: https://xclusi-va.co.za/xclusi-va

Facebook:         

That Final Touch 

The Teetotal Journal 

Instagram 

X (Twitter)

YouTube

Blogger

Virtually yours,

Elani V

“Consider it done!”

Reborn Rebirth Re-establish

Reborn, Rebirth, Re-established

After rain must come sunshine

After pain must come healing

After sorrow must come joy

After night must come day

After fear must come courage

After failure must come triumph

After you must come me

After loss must come gain

After death must come life

To die to self. To die to this world. To live. To believe. To give. To receive. 

Be blessed! 

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

“A New Day Has Come” is a song recorded by Canadian recording artist Celine Dion for her sixth English-language album of the same name. The song is a dedication to the birth of her child, René-Charles Angélil, who was born on January 25, 2001.

A new day, ah-ah
A new day, ah-ah

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush, now
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched
By an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has come

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

7 Laws of Highest Prosperity

 7 Laws of Highest Prosperity

1. The Law of  Wisdom

Highest wisdom resides in God's supreme thought and love.

2. The Law of Priority

Success that lasts can only be achieved when one prioritizes in accordance with divine instruction-at all levels, including financial matters.

3. The Law of Motive

Meaningful work and living are motivated by unconditional love for others.

4. The Law of Generosity

Service and giving create abundance, for others and ourselves.

5. The Law of Understanding

To love with God's heart, see through His eyes, and think His thoughts are the ultimate goals for the truly enlightened spirit.

6. The Law of Preparation

Being responsible with and wisely managing life resources requires commitment to truly important purpose and careful planning.

7. The Law of Preservation

Wise stewardship ensures that money, principles, values, and spiritual guidance can be passed from one generation to the next.

I've Learned

I'VE LEARNED

 I've learned that you cannot make someone love you

All you can do is be someone who can be loved.

The Rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care

some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it's not what you have in life 

but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.

After that you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself

to the best that others can do, but the best that you can do.

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it

there are always two sides.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words

It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going 

long after you think you can't.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done

when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly,

but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that sometimes when I am angry, I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest of distance.

Same goes for love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to

doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is

they're going to hurt you every once in a while

and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others,

sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,

the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,

but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other

and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing

and see something totally different.

I've learned no matter what the consequences,

those who are honest with themselves, go further in life.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give,

when a friend cries out to you,

you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the people we care most about in life

are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice

and not hurting people's feelings,

and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned to love

and to be loved.

I've learned ..........

                                                                                            Omar B Washington

Reisiger

Hierdie song trap diep spore in my hart. Elke liewe keer!

Ek sit op 'n hemel en dink aan die Hemele
Weereens besef ek dat ons nie 'n clue het nie...
Alles is alles, en niks is niks. Niks is op soek na alles,
En alles is op reis na niks.

Sy was 'n ware illistrasie van God se prag
Baie mans het probeer om Haar neer te lê
Om Haar om te duik,
Maar baie min het probeer om Haar op te tel

Wonder waar is Hy... Waar is Hy...

Ken jy die pad, ek dink ek vol nog altyd jou pad
Bruis na die chemie ver van hier
Hy verander jou beeld,
Maak die Aarde plat vir my lig en boos
Tot jy jubel en juig weer
Oor jou broer se dood

Wêreld wat gaan aan met jou?
My Vader sal jou anders onthou
Sal jy nog hier wees vir Angels en Minuet

Jy gee my hoop! Gee my sig!
Ek is moeg gesoek na waar ek hoort
Dis voedsel vir my siel gedoop
En jy oor my, kom ons rant ek is lief...
Ek verlang na wie ookal jy is
En lief vir wat ookal jy doen
Want jy hoor my...

Maar vanaand net vir vanaand
Is jy my Hemel, en ek is jou vloer
Reisiger ek's lief vir jou
Swerwer ek verlang na jou
Ek wil dans in jou reën ek wil sing van jou grond

Maar vanaand, soos gister aand
Wil ek sweef op die geur van jou bron
Vlieg en vlak in dalend hoog
Soos tale tonge woel en wal
Ek verlang na jou kruine
Ek verlang na jou trog

Jy gee my hoop! gee my sig!
Ek is moeg gesoek na waar ek hoort
Dis voedsel vir my siel gedoop
En jy hoor my, kom ons rant
ek is lief vir jou

Ek verlang na wie ookal jy is
En lief vir wat ookal jy doen
Want jy hoor my...

My bos is aan die brand
Ek dink my bos is aan die brand
Want Hy stuur my na 'n vreemde plek
Dit voel vir vele meer as ek en jy

Tog so aleen, nog altyd voel ek so alleen
Ek verlang na daairdie bosse plek
Ek voel vir vele meer as ek en jy
Sal jy bly?

Songwriters: Refentse Morake
For non-commercial use only.
Data from:Musixmatch

What is Stress?

 

Stress is our response to daily events

* Challenges

* Emotions

* External changes

* Internal thoughts

Effects Of Positive Stress

* Helps us take action

* Increased awareness & perspective

* Motivates us

* Increased energy

Effects Of Negative Stress

* Worry & anxiety

* Feeling angry and impatient

* Tension & physical discomfort

Short-Term Stress

* Short-term stress may assist us in coping with difficult situations immediately

Long-Term Stress

* Long-term stress may be associated with physical & emotional health-related issues

Two out of three office visits are caused by stress-related symptoms.

About 50% of all diseases in the are of stress-related origin. These ailments include hypertension, headaches, ulcers, anxiety, allergies and asthma, cancer and cardiovascular disease. Stress can even make you more susceptible to colds and tooth decay.

Symptoms Of Stress

- Headaches

- Tightness in jaw

- Problems sleeping

- Shakiness

- Difficulty concentrating

- Outbursts of anger

- Upset stomach

- Sweaty palms

- Nervousness

- Loss of interest in things

- Heart racing

- Easily crying

- Blushing

- Eating too little or too much

- Feeling fearful

- Difficulty making decisions

- Mind going blank

- Worrying about things

- Trouble remembering

- Shortness of breath

- Feeling tense

- Insecurity / Isolation

- Distorted thinking / perspective

Do you know someone who is...?

- A Perfectionist: “Nothing’s quite good enough”

- A “What if?” thinker

- A Procrastinator: “I’ll get to it”

- Self-critical: “I never get things right”

- A Victim: “Oh poor pitiful me”

Rate each item from 1 (always) to 5 (never) according to how often it applies to you:

1. I eat at least one hot balanced meal a day  

2. I get seven to eight hours of sleep at least four nights a week  

3. I give and receive affection regularly  

4. I exercise to the point of perspiration at least twice a week  

5. I smoke less than half a pack of cigarettes a day  

6. I drink fewer than five alcoholic beverages a week  

7. I am the appropriate weight for my height  

8. I have an income adequate to meet my basic expenses  

9. I get strength from my spiritual beliefs  

10. I have a network of friends and acquaintances  

11. I have one or more friends I can confide in about personal matters  

12. I am in good health  

13. I am able to speak openly about my feelings when angry or worried  

14. I am able to see the positive side of any situation  

15. I do something for fun at least once a week  

16. I am able to organize my time effectively  

17. I drink fewer than three cups of coffee, tea or cola a day  

18. I take quiet time for myself every day  

19. I socialize regularly with fellow team members  

20. I have conversations on a regular basis with my supervisor and co-workers

**Scoring:**

Add up the figures and subtract 10.  

- A score of 30 or above may indicate vulnerability to stress.  

- 50–75 = increased vulnerability.  

- Over 75 = high vulnerability.

Fight

- Antagonize your partner, friend, family member, stranger, guest.

- Act aggressively

Flight

- Avoid the person

- Ignore the person

- Pretend it did not happen

Steps To Live With Stress

- Identify your specific stressors

- Ask: Can you do anything directly to solve the stressors?

- Cut down on observing—do something about it

- Develop competency by building and improving your skills

- Look to yourself for solutions, not magic helpers

- Be responsible for planning and completing tasks

- See mistakes as opportunities to grow

- Look to yourself for approval

- Practice positive thinking and self-talk

- Create “win/win” situations for all involved

I Just Want To Speak The Name Of Jesus

I Speak Jesus

Song by
Charity Gayle

I just wanna speak the name of Jesus
Over every heart and every mind
'Cause I know there is peace within Your presence
I speak Jesus

I just wanna speak the name of Jesus
'Til every dark addiction starts to break
Declaring there is hope and there is freedom
I speak Jesus

'Cause Your name is power
Your name is healing
Your name is life
Break every stronghold
Shine through the shadows
Burn like a fire

I just wanna speak the name of Jesus
Over fear and all anxiety
To every soul held captive by depression
I speak Jesus

'Cause Your name is power
Your name is healing
Your name is life
Break every stronghold
Shine through the shadows
Burn like a fire

Shout Jesus from the mountains
Jesus in the streets
Jesus in the darkness, over every enemy
Jesus for my family
I speak the holy name
Jesus, oh (oh)

Shout Jesus from the mountains
And Jesus in the streets (oh)
Jesus in the darkness, over every enemy
Jesus for my family
I speak the holy name
Jesus (Jesus)

'Cause Your name is power
Your name is healing
Your name is life
Break every stronghold
Shine through the shadows
Burn like a fire

Your name is power (Your name is power)
Your name is healing (Your name is healing)
Your name is life (You are my life)
Break every stronghold (break every stronghold)
Shine through the shadows
Burn like a fire

I just wanna speak the name of Jesus
Over every heart and every mind
'Cause I know there is peace within Your presence
I speak Jesus


Songwriters: Jesse Reeves, Dustin Smith, Abby Benton, Kristen Dutton, Carlene Prince, Raina Pratt. For non-commercial use only.

Embrace Yourself!

She phantom atmospheres. Imagination will get her there. Light calms her gypsy soul. For everything else there's Rock'n'roll.

To The Woman Who Comes After Me

To the woman who comes after me,

I don’t know you, but I know the version of him you’re seeing right now. He’s charming. Attentive. He probably texts you good morning and good night. He says all the right things—talks about soulmates and how different you are from anyone he’s ever known. He moves fast, but it feels like magic, right?

That’s how it started for me too.

He made me feel like I was everything. Like I’d been chosen. And just when I believed it, the ground began to shift. Slowly, then all at once. The compliments turned into criticisms cloaked in “concern.” The stories didn’t quite add up. I began to question my own memory, my own instincts. He was always the victim, even when I was the one in tears.

He served chaos for breakfast, garnished with guilt, and called it love.

You might start to notice inconsistencies. The sudden mood changes. The private messages with other women that he’ll swear were innocent. If you try to talk about it, he’ll make you feel like you’re overreacting—or worse, like you’re crazy. He’s good at that. He made me apologize for being hurt.

You cannot keep up with a man who has no self-control. I promise you, it is painful, it is raw, and it is ugly. The chaos transpired into a vulgar and disgusting ending where he would continue to visit his casualty—just to see how far he had come, to impose more damage. And once he got bored, he moved on to the next victim. And so the cycle continues, leaving a trail of broken relationships with already broken women. He chooses them deliberately. If you think you’ll forever remain confident, he will tear you down into pieces. He will not stop until there is nothing left.

Weak people chase pleasure. Strong people chase purpose.

Let me tell you what a narcissist really is: It’s not confidence. It’s not charm. It’s a deep, fractured identity hiding behind arrogance and manipulation. Narcissists crave admiration like oxygen because deep down, they feel worthless. They construct a false self to hide their insecurities, and anyone who gets too close becomes a threat. They lie, they cheat, they twist reality—anything to protect their image. They don’t connect, they control. And what they call “love” is just another tactic to get what they want. There is no empathy. No accountability. Only blame.

You cannot and should not give a narcissist any chance. No contact is the only way to starve them. They cannot go without their supply. Their ego is so severely damaged, and their unresolved childhood traumas only add fuel to the fire. You are dealing with someone who needs attention and admiration 24/7. Your goals, your emotional needs—they mean nothing to him. He doesn't know how to love. He describes love as a feeling, forever chasing “feelings.”

You cannot change a narcissist. You will only lose yourself in the process. Their mind games are out of this world. The subtle deception. The never-ending gaslighting and love-bombing. It is exhausting. The only time they feel worthy is when they get their temporary high. They chase pleasure. A fast-paced, impulsive, irresponsible, all-in-the-moment "quick fix."

One woman could never satisfy the narcissist.

As for couples counseling? The narcissist does not want to change. They have no desire. They will manipulate the situation—and even the therapist—into believing that you are the problem. It is a no-win situation.

Looking back, I thank God I made it out. I feel sorry for all the women he has abused and used. And as for the ones to come—I am fighting for you. It ends with me. One day soon, he will meet his destiny. He will never hurt another woman ever again.

With truth,
Someone who lived it

Dancing With The Devil

He served chaos for breakfast, garnished with guilt, and called it love.

Weak people chase pleasure, strong people chase purpose!

You cannot keep up with a man who has no self control. I promise, it is painful, it is raw, and it is ugly. The chaos transpired into a vulgar and disgusting ending where he would continue to visit his casualty to see how far he has come and to impose more damage. Thereafter, once bored he just moves on to the next victim. And so the cycle continues, leaving a trail of broken relationships with already broken woman. He chooses them deliberately. If you think you will forever remain confident, he will tear you down into pieces. He will not stop until there is nothing left.

You cannot and should not give a narcissist any chance. No contact is the only way to starve them. They cannot go without their supply. Their ego is so severely damaged and their unresolved childhood traumas only adds fuel to the fire. You are dealing with an individual that needs attention and admiration 24/7! Your goals, your emotional needs means nothing to them. They don't know how to love. They describe love as a feeling. Forever chasing "feelings."

You cannot change a narcissist. You will only loose yourself in the process.  Their mind games are out of this world. Their subtle deception. The never-ending gaslighting, love-bombing. It is exhausting. The only way they feel worthy is when they get their temporal high. They chase pleasure. A fast paced, impulsive, irresponsible, and all in the moment "quick fix." 

One woman could never satisfy the narcissist!

As for couples counselling? The narcissist does not want to change! They have no desire. They will manipulate the situation and the therapist into getting the therapist to believe that you are the problem.

It is a no win situation.

Looking back, I thank God that I made it out. I feel sorry for all the woman that he has abused and used. As for the ones to come, I am fighting for you! It ends with me! Soon he will meet his destiny. He will never hurt another woman ever again!!!

7 Habits of People Who Place Radical Trust in God

7 Habits of People Who Place Radical Trust in God

1. They accept suffering

"I knelt down and wept, thanking the Lord. The Lord showed me that regardless of men's evil plans for me, he had not forgotten me and was in control of my life. Suffering is not the worst evil - sin is. I would prefer not to suffer, and do sometimes pray for the relief of suffering. But I prioritize it lower. I focus more on not sinning than not suffering. "

2. They accept the inevitability of death

"People who place great trust in God can only do so with a heaven-centered worldview. I think in terms of eternity, not in terms of calendar years."

3. They have daily appointments with God

"I have never heard of a person who had a deep, calm trust in the Lord who did not set aside time for focused prayer every day. Spending at least an hour or two if circumstances permit - focused on nothing but prayer every day. First thing in the morning, centering myself in Christ before tackling anything else the day may bring."

4. In prayer, they listen more than they talk

"I'd heard enough stories of people praying for something very specific, then receiving it. What I eventually realized is that their ideas about what to pray for came from the Holy Spirit in the first place, they spend so much time seeking God's will for them, day in and day out."

5. They limit distractions

"Technology comes with a huge temptation to feel a general increase in urgency in our lives. I have to reply to that email! Respond to that Facebook post! Re-tweet that tweet! Listen to that voicemail! We are constantly bombarded with demands on our attention. Periods of silence where we can cultivate inner stillness and wait for the promptings of the Holy Spirit, are increasingly rare."

6. They submit their discernment to others

"If they discern that God is calling them to something, especially if it's something big, they ask trusted Christian confidants to pray about the matter and see if they discern the same thing. And when others warn them not to follow a certain path, they take those indicators very seriously."

7. They offer the Lord their complete, unhesitating obedience

"Being part of a prayer group in which people often spent hours of time in prayer, most of it is listening in silence. When and how God asks us to do something."

A reflection on spiritual growth and progress.